Yes I have plenty of shitty ideas!!!!
Ok ... Just for everyone to know I am an addict. Damn the lifes we choose. So I don't shoot dope in my arms anymore. I think at times that I am all better. But I am so far from better that I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to be "normal". I drink everyday ..... On a good day I drink because I am happy. On a bad day I drink because I had a crappy day or someone pissed me off. When things are going good in my life I celebrate, when they aren't so good I drink my blues away. HA funny huh... I know that alcohol is a depressant and I can say that it has become THE major factor in my life.
You see when I did dope ( hard stuff) I wouldn't have even thought about drinking. I hated drunks!! The smells from the breath of an alcoholic, the slurring of words, the awful thoughts of not knowing what happened the night before. And all of this can describe my life now.
I have been to rehab twice.... once 3 days after I graduated high school. I found myself sitting on a pew in church on my mothers birthday .... with holes all in my arms.
I made the decision to go all on my own. I was scared and knew I didn't want my mother to go thru this again (my older brother is an addict too). I went and left after 4 weeks..... I wasn't ready...thats what I said.
I made it 5 years without doing any stupid stuff. Had a child and well realized that my coping skills were not good ...I didn't cope I turned to dope once again. For three years I did more drugs than the law says is possible. Overdosed and existed in a period of time that no person in their right mind could call living.
I have to go for now...I'll be back to bore you with more. Have a hearing that needs to be taken care of.@eRannel=Life & Events:Boring
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